René
Goscinny was a genius at satirical stereotype. His Asterix volumes, memorably
illustrated by Alberto Uderzo, took aim at some of the familiar perceptions of
people in Western European nations and beyond.
Though
perhaps considered a little too close to the bone to be originally published in
2020, even 7 or 8-year old Mark could recognise the satire. If anything, they
were a good indication and early guide to the idea of stereotypes and how
ridiculous they can be. This was identifiable in Goscinny’s version of the
British stiff upper lip that I could recognise as humorous without it being
distinguishable in the British people I knew. It was even my first
introduction to the Brits strange lust for "warm beer."
However,
55 years on, there are elements of the British characters that Asterix met that
are still recognisable today. I can quote the scene directly from the excellent
1986 film adaptation that sees the British warriors stop fighting at
precisely 5 o'clock for teatime and the moment the café owner exclaims “Sorry
we are closed for the weekends.”
"I say old chap, it's getting on for time."
In
recent years, in areas not far from my home, a chain of barbershops has been
popping up in most local towns. At first I couldn’t quite figure out the reason
for their rapid success that saw just one group managing to dominate the local
market.
Soon
the secret to their success became apparent. It was an idea so far-fetched and
incredulous that nobody had considered it before. It went against everything
Goscinny had said about the British
They
were open.
They
were open after 5 o’clock on weekdays until late. They were open all day
Saturday. They were open Sundays – and full. Full of school children and adults
alike, whose only free day of the week happens to be Sunday; the ideal day for
a haircut for many, whilst every local competitor was firmly shut. They simply
moved from town to town, spotting the weakness in their competition who may as
well have been laying down arms at Julius Caesar’s feet.
It is
something I have touched on briefly before and it is rarely off my mind. Whilst
a YouGov poll a couple of years ago suggests that only 6% of the workforce
recognises 9-5 as the working week (and looking at the reasons behind this it
is skewed to those who include checking e-mails out of office) part of that 6%
seem to be local independent businesses. Though I would still rather use the
local butcher’s or greengrocer’s or wholefoods shop for my grocery shopping,
the fact is that all those local to us are not open when I can get there. They
restrict their hours to the 1960s view of British work and align themselves with office workers, meaning that
supermarkets still take most of my paycheck. I want to begrudge them that but
ultimately I respect the fact that they are actually open to do
business with. It isn’t a moral choice – it is the only option.
"Oh no question, old thing, we're off for two days."
I’ve
left the writing of this post until the end of January to be sure that I don’t
upset the apple cart too much in reference to the pub industry. I thought
about it a great deal over the Christmas period, a prime time for public houses
of all types to rake in the cash; exploiting the much maligned group of
once-a-year drinkers. Yet this year more and more seem to be shut, not just
Christmas Day but Christmas Eve night, Boxing Day and the days followings.
And I was slaughtered for suggesting this was foolish, even though I was only half
serious. Like high street shops opening to utilise the Boxing Day sale rush, I
couldn’t understand why small businesses wouldn’t want to take advantage
of this busiest time of year. But of course, suggesting such radical
thought makes me selfish and “uncaring of worker’s mental wellbeing.” Aye. Okay.
Which
is why I take slow sips from my cup of tea when those same pubs/bars that were
shut late December start the year with the wonderful TRYANUARY spiel. Support your local business. Support the
Beer Industry. A pub isn’t just for Christmas. No, true, but you weren’t
open at flipping Christmas time were you when I was there to support you so
what do I possibly owe you now?
Attempted
visits to a few local micropubs have found them closed at 8pm on a Friday
evening. My favourite local bottle shop would be used much more by myself if it
wasn’t for the fact it isn’t open most evenings and is closed Sundays.
Business
models are built on sustainability. If trade is good in the traditional British
working hour – and those are the hours the business owners want to work – then,
of course, I am not critiquing that. I am not suggesting that businesses should
change their hours to suit me.
But I
look at that successful barber chain and wonder why so many businesses work
within the mental restraints of British society, rather than excelling outside
of the 9-5. There is money to be made that can be racked up and totalled and
could provide the possibility of a more relaxed time later in the year, whether
that is over the Christmas period or avoiding the pleading cries of quiet trade
during January.
People
have family to attend to. People have every right to enjoy the privileges of
running their own business. Many do so that they can control their hours, have
a degree of order to their lives and work around other aspects of the daily
routine. I'm sure many have given thought to this before - city centre pubs
that rely on travellers, for example, I can understand having Christmas
off.
I
understand. But if I ever do decide to open a small corner greengrocers I
sometimes dream about then I'll be open until 10 on weekday evenings and all
day Sunday. Come and buy your fresh vegetables at a convenient time.
"I'm
sorry - we are closed on the weekends."
Readers
from our nation’s capital may be surprised by some of the words here. On my
infrequent visits to London I often find myself musing about its vast
difference to the North. Indeed, on my last visit in June 2019 I stayed in the
centre of Hackney. As I strolled down Amhurst Road to the Pembury Tavern
on a Sunday evening I walked passed all manner of businesses, not only open but
busy and thriving - including another barbershop.
It was
no surprise to then see the pubs and bars equally buzzing, the “Pembo” almost
uncomfortably so, on this Sunday evening. With the entire area still a hive of
activity, every business was benefiting from the vibrancy. People could nip out
for pet food or to get their nails done or to have a few pints of Railway
Porter as if it were a Thursday afternoon. This should be the
norm everywhere.
There
is also the safety factor, with more people on the streets then being out is
more comfortable. In contrast, it can feel eerily dangerous to even take
the dog out in all the northern areas I’ve lived in over the years. Almost all
businesses are closed and the pubs are quiet to parallel with it. Even cars are
few and far between. Quite often on a Sunday evening, when the roast
dinner is finished and the Strictly results show has come to an end, we'll pop
to the pub for an hour to bring the weekend to a close. It is baffling that the
choice of places to indulge in is so limited at this time. Curtains twitch as
locals strain to believe that somebody has dared to ignite a car engine post
church service time on a Sunday.
Early
2020 has claimed a few small independent businesses in my area, as well as
hearing similar things happen to places where friends live. Each time I find my
first question being "What were their opening hours?" Nearly
half the time they existed within Asterix's Gallic view of us and I find it
such a shame. As a nation, I wish we could live outside of societal norms,
rather than accepting our lot in life with a spot of marmalade and a cup of hot
water. No milk in mine please.
These
are general thoughts about business and attitudes in this country. I do not
need individual businesses explaining their reasons for their own
opening hours. This isn't about you. Thanks.
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